A New Norm

Last week a friend who has also lost a close family member shared with me about the 'new norm' when I shared with her what has been in my thoughts the lately.

The week after Adam died, I went to our counselor, and I asked her what I could expect with the grief. Among other thing she shared with me that for the type of death Adam had (fairly sudden, definitely unexpected, young) the ‘core’ of the grief process would last 3 years. That was 3 1/2 years ago.

I still miss Adam, think about him often and have hard days and sad moments. These thoughts and emotions are a part of my life now. I have gone through the cycles, some more than others.

I have grown.

I have aged, and hopefully matured.

I have grieved.

I have healed.

Now I will continue to go on living, in this new norm.

That the core of my grieving is over is not bad, it is actually really healthy. The grief was like a security blanket or stuffed animal, always by my side, but letting go of it is healthy and good; just like the child that one day needs to leave his teddy at home before going to school.

But there is one thing from the grieving process that I really miss; the way God carried me through the process.

He is still very much with me. His mercies, grace, love and provisions, are ever present in my daily life. But it’s different now. During the past three years, God really was my all-in-all. My heart was surrendered to Him like never before. There was no where else to go, no one else to turn to, no other way for me to live than needing him completely.

There still is no other way to live, but that deep ache in my heart, the wound from Adam's death, is healed (though still a little sore). God is the one that healed it. But in being healed from the ache and hurt, I don't feel the need for God that I felt before. I don't miss the pain (and I mean pain), but I do miss the great comfort God gave me in that pain, a comfort I don't need now, because there is no pain to ease, not pain like that anyway.

In Christian lingo we talk about being on the mountaintop and in the valley. Grieving is like being in both places at once. I was definitely in the valley emotionally, but being held so close by God made me feel like I was higher than the mountaintop at times. Now, I am back on the mountain, a different mountain, continuing the journey God has me on, in this new norm.